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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29514735">I'll Carry You Home</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhereverMySITakesMe/pseuds/WhereverMySITakesMe'>WhereverMySITakesMe</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Dicussion of Canonical Terrorism, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Fix-It, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-16 03:09:19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>935</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29514735</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhereverMySITakesMe/pseuds/WhereverMySITakesMe</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>At almost the last possible minute, Barriss manages to fight against her instincts telling her to be quiet, be calm and keep her head down and tells Ashoka everything.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Barriss Offee/Ahsoka Tano</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>29</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>I'll Carry You Home</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was early in the morning when Ahsoka awoke to someone knocking on her bedroom door. She quickly went to open it. Even in the Jedi Temple, it could easily be someone sending her on an urgent mission.</p><p>Standing outside her room was Barriss, holding a datapad and comm link. “Ahsoka, I need your help”</p><p>“Okay. What is it?” Ahsoka asked, confused. Barriss seemed calm enough, despite the late hour.</p><p>She thrust both devices into Ahsoka’s hands “Take these. Don’t give them back to me, or let me access any other communication device. You can put me in binders if you want”</p><p>“Binders? Why would I do that? Barriss, what’s going on? Come inside and explain” Ahsoka stepped out of the way to let her in.</p><p>“Read the messages on the data pad. You’ll understand” Barriss sat down on the edge of the bed, straight backed, with her hands folded in her lap.</p><p>“Alright…” Ahsoka turned her gaze down to the device. The blood drained from her face as she read “Barriss, this...this is…”</p><p>“Plans for a terrorist attack on the Jedi Temple”</p><p>“And you’re part of this?”</p><p>Barriss nodded, her face blank “An integral part. I do not believe they will be successful if I cease to be involved”</p><p>“Okay” Ahsoka said, relieved “So you joined the group to sabotage them. That was smart, the Council will be impressed”</p><p>“No” Barriss’ voice was still completely devoid of emotion “I had no such intention”</p><p>“Then...why?” The Barriss that Ahsoka do would never dream of doing such a thing.</p><p>Barriss said nothing, just stared unblinkly into space. Ahsoka tried again “If this is what you want” Which was impossible, unimaginable but in the insane hypothetical where that was the case “Then why come here? Why tell me about this?”</p><p>Another silence followed until Barriss said “I believe am losing control of myself”</p><p>Ahsoka cautiously took a seat next to her friend “What do you mean?”</p><p>“I am tormented by the war and what I’ve seen. For months, I have been unable to sleep or mediate. I can barely eat. The Jedi are responsible to this and all the other troubles the war has caused. We are all falling to the dark side. Myself fastest” Despite her words, Barriss still sounded almost emotionless.</p><p>Ahsoka was stunned “That’s awful… But why didn’t you come to me earlier? If you’ve been suffering for so long? I could have helped”</p><p>“A Jedi should not struggle with their emotions. Especially in a war, when any slip leads to deaths”</p><p>“But…” She was speaking purely hypothetically, not about <b>them</b> “I’m your friend”</p><p>“I’m sorry”</p><p>Ahsoka took a breath “No, don’t apologise. You’ve done the right thing by coming to me. Everything is going to be okay” She didn’t know whether that was true or whether Barriss needed the reassurance. She seemed terrifyingly calm “When did you last eat or sleep?”</p><p>“I had a ration bar yesterday and lay down for a few hours”</p><p>“Did you sleep?”</p><p>“On and off”</p><p>“You need rest, Barriss. And food”</p><p>“I can manage. I’ve been managing”</p><p>“You were planning a terrorist attack!” Ahsoka’s sudden outburst made Barriss flinch away- her first sign of emotion in their entire conversation. Ahsoka pulled herself together again “You are not okay, Barriss. I don’t know why you’re trying to pretend that you are, but you’re not”</p><p>Barriss dropped her gaze to her lap “It’s...hard. Being honest. After shutting everything away for so long”</p><p>“I understand” Ahsoka lightly touched Barriss’ arm “There are some ration bars in my drawers. Could you eat?”</p><p>“I will try” Barriss kept her gaze down but accepted the food Ahsoka handed her. She ate it in a few quick bites, barely chewing, and then pressed a hand lightly to her stomach</p><p>“Nauseous?” Ahsoka asked. She was rapidly coming to realize that even the smallest break in Barriss’ facade was a sign of intense discomfort.</p><p>“Yes” Barriss admitted</p><p>“Lie down” Ahsoka suggested “Let it settle. Maybe rest your eyes a little”</p><p>“I’m not a child, Ahsoka. You can’t trick me into sleeping”</p><p>“I’m not trying to. But I’m so worried about you”</p><p>“My lack of sleep is not our most pressing concern. We should focus on the fact that can no longer be trusted around any communication device, making me essentially incapable of doing my job. Not to mention what would happen if we told anyone else”</p><p>“I know it’s bad. But I don’t know what you’re expecting me to do. I’m just a Padawan. You outrank me”</p><p>“I know” there was a strained pause before Barriss said “You’re the only person I could trust. And you’re smart. Creative”</p><p>“We can’t do this alone, Barriss. Not without you ending up in a cell”</p><p>“Maybe that would be for the best”</p><p>“No” Ahsoka said firmly “If we let that happen you’ll never get better. And you <b>can</b><span> get better. If you’d fallen you wouldn’t be here” She got to her feet. Barriss was in no state to make decisions, </span><span>so</span><span> she needed to take charge “I’m getting Anakin. He’ll be able to help and if he can’t, he’ll know who can. </span><span>Master Obi Wan or Senator Padme, </span><span>perhaps</span><span>”</span></p><p>“<span>You two have friends in high places” Barriss said, absently.</span></p><p>“Barriss” Ahsoka said firmly, trying to break through her friend’s shell “Is it okay if I tell Anakin what’s going on?”</p><p>“<span>Go ahead” Barriss’ voice </span><span>remained</span><span> hollow.</span></p><p>“Alright” Ahsoka sighed “I’ll be back soon. Hold on until then”</p><p>She headed out into the corridor towards Anakin’s room, desperately hoping that he would, in fact, be able to help.</p>
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